FIRST OFF I graduated. yep, did it. got a first. didn’t fall over – however some poor girl did and it made my heart cry but congrats for styling it out. Here’s a weird thought however, graduation is a somewhat waste of time, I say somewhat it completely is I just wanted to get a selfie in the hat. But we don’t even receive our diplomas anymore, I shook two peoples hands and received a bag with the UWL logo on it, a bag.., but at least it was a bag for life eh – according to my family I did walk across with a massive case of the RBF (resting bitch face for all you smiling people out there) but then again what’s new?
SECONDLY I found a new flat *hoorah* this was the most painstaking process I have ever been through. Flat viewing number one had me visit a somewhat dodgy area of Greenford where my neighbours were two screaming ladies and scenery consisting of conspicuous men, in BMW’s with blacked out windows with their cars actually bouncing to the beat of some murderous music. It was safe to say I left that viewing fairly swiftly. It was also hilarious to see what some flats are like, like what was the designer thinking when deciding to put a toilet on a raised step with its own door but inside a bathroom? or a staircase that was hidden behind a door, blocked by a table with a set of stairs so vertical it was like a go ape course. However a cute flat was finally found and I am hoping to move in at the end of this week so lets pray I don’t find a family of rats or my neighbours to be drug lords.
THIRDLY my dad was recently in hospital (he’s all good no panickos just had a cheeky bit of the kidney stones) and hospitals are just gross aren’t they. Like I mean amen to the NHS without them we’d all be screwed but blow me they are minging. Setting the scene for you here, me poor dad who’s dosed up on every form of drug possible, I say poor man I know this is some peoples dreams but each to their own eh (don’t do drugs they’re bad) so he’s laying there and the smell of shyte was choke slamming. Like it was so potent it was making eyes bleed. The next thing we know ChiChi the bubbly nurse turns to my dad with a big old towel and begins a rub down. At which point we’ve realised someone’s clearly shat themselves and she thinks it’s me dad who’s so high on morphine he had no idea. On retrospect it was like a scene from a comedy sketch. And for all those who are concerned we did intervene and save me dad from a delightful rub down whilst the nurse went on an investigation to find the true source of the thunder dump.